Ebonie Jones
Friday, October 19, 2012
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. According to the 2011 Domestic Violence Annual Fact Sheet, police responded to 257,813 domestic violence incidents, in New York City. Although on a smaller scale, I wouldn't be surprised if Caribbean statistics are just as shocking, considering the increase in violent crimes against women, and the increase in crimes committed by youths.
One of the reasons we remain in abusive relationships is that we fail to define the love we desire. Perhaps we were never taught the elements of true love. Perhaps we didn't have any examples of what true love entails. For whatever reason, as we grew older, we embraced strange notions. If we loved hard enough, if we gave others the benefit of the doubt, eventually, our love will be reciprocated in the same manner.
Embrace these difficult truths: sometimes our definition of love is flawed and corrupt; sometimes those we love might never be capable of loving us the way we desire. Instead of immediately coming to terms with these facts, we choose to live in hope. We live hoping that others will embrace our vision, and become slaves to counterfeit, imposter versions of love. We proceed to sacrifice or joy, time and effort to our own detriment.
Why do we do this? Perhaps because the Bible explains that love is patient and kind. However, the Bible doesn't say that love is blind and hurtful. While we're busy making sure the love we give is in compliance with 1 Cor. 13, we should make sure the love we receive is of equal standard.
It's high time we define the love we want, in order to spot the counterfeit we're trying to avoid. Genuine love is not blind, but comes from a place of wisdom and light. True love doesn't hurt, but wants the best for others always. Love fashioned after the love of Christ allows others to be their genuine selves, refuses to force others into submission, and speaks from a place of concern not control.
Human beings were created to love. It's acceptable to give love freely, and show love even to those who appear unlovable. However, we are not obligated to remain connected to those who inflict physical, emotional and psychological pain. Loving hard isn't love. Love is free flowing, organic and as natural as breathing. If loving is a chore, it's time to define the love you desire, and connect with those who mirror that definition.
Domestic Violence Annual Fact Sheet http://www.nyc.gov/html/ocdv/downloads/pdf/2011_annual_dv_factsheet.pdf
Editor-in-Chief's Note: Ebonie Jones is a freelance contributor with MNI Alive
